Here is where I'm at:
I got a new job!!! WONDAFUL. I am now a make up artist at MAC. pumped. Love my life.
other than that school is about the only other thing I do with my life. Lord knows I'm not dating. Somewhat bitter somewhat content. it depends on the day... I have a lot of mixed emotions about it even still... you'd think after two years of being single I'd at least know how to feel about it. Truth is I'm still healing. Its a process. Everyday has proven to be completely different. Some days I'm totally fine with the situation, others I'm still deeply wounded. Questions run through my mind constantly about how, why and what if... some call this baggage... I just think its me being thorough. I'd rather just be single and deal with all this now than dive into a relationship with someone who doesn't mean very much to me and bury all these emotions I still have until I can't feel them as much anymore... then have them hit me out of no where one random day... I'm not exactly sure I could handle that. I feel like that would suck worse than just dealing with temporary loneliness. Regardless, I like where I'm at. I feel like I'm climbing Mt. Everest (i chose Everest because i feel like its the easiest one to spell) and I'm going up little by little but I'm just approaching the very top of it... no way of knowing for sure or not but I feel like if I was going to climb a mountain I would get pretty pissed at that point wanting to just get over the hump already! So I feel like thats where I am. I'm incredibly ansi, anxious, nervous, uncomfortable and tired. I'm just ready to finally see the downhill. I'm ready to see the other side of things. Not to say I've been miserable in this journey, I feel as if I've gotten to know a whole new me. Who knew I was an introvert... or at least i feel like it half the time... who knew that I enjoyed being alone more than I enjoyed being with people news to me. I had no idea!! I love it though. I love knowing that I don't HAVE to have someone there 24/7 to depend on. Its comforting to know that I can be fine alone. However with that comes loneliness... I know i said earlier that I enjoyed being alone but I would be lying completely if I said I didn't miss companionship at all. I think it may be the weather. I was talking to a good friend of mine the other day and he said it always in the fall and winter when loneliness kicks it into high gear... he's so right. I miss having someone to snug up next to to keep warm, or hold hands in his pocket to keep my hand warm/ have our fingers intertwined at the same time. So I don't have that again this year... which is fine. I'd rather be alone and lonely than jump into a relationship with someone who I don't care about... I can't do it. I'll take my time, be selective and hang out in the meantime... I am in no rush, I'm almost 21. Just because my friends are getting married and what not doesn't mean that I have to. I've realized that. I'm young I have plenty of time to play and hang out and meet people. Travel, work and do things for me. I'm excited to see whats on the other side of this mountain... I'm almost over the top of it. PUMPED.
so thats my schpeal. (sp)
